Are You Stressed Now?

Am I tempted today to write about things both national and political? Oh yes! Would I write a 5,000 word essay on my feelings about it on this 18th day of November? Oh yes! Would I attempt to absolutely blister a portion of my fellow man with scathing explanations of their incredible stupidity, and what the disastrous results of that stupidity will probably be? Oh yes! And can you guess the one thing I would say to the 57% of the white women who voter for him?? Hell yes! But am I already sick to death of the pathetic weaseling out of, and spinning of the truth by some of our media mavens and newshounds? Oh yes! But am I going to give in to it, blast off and write about it… all of it? NO. Instead,

* Stress *

I know, you don’t want to hear about it, or read about it. But it’s a reality we all deal with every day, And since I’ve been dealing with it on a regular basis for most of this year, I’m going to share what I’ve learned with you. Hope you stick around for it. And since you’re reading this, I’m guessing that you are stressed as well.

So yes, Stress!! I’ve been harping about it for years now. As soon as I began to notice some of its insidious effects on a few of my friends, I began looking into it. And now, these days, it has become more important to me than ever!

We’ve all been there. It’s just life, right? Life has curve balls, screwballs, ( a bunch of them!) sinkers and change-ups for all of us. Even when we’re not surprised, the change, and dealing with it, can be difficult for us. The physical and mental dangers of stress are common knowledge, so why don’t more of us do something about it, be proactive about it? Probably it’s a cultural thing, as stress is a byproduct of action, growth, difficulties, tragedies, hell, just life’s ups and downs in general. We’re tough Americans, we can handle it, right? But what if the stress is maddeningly consistent, what if the stress becomes traumatic? Here’s what our medical society says about all that –

• Mayo Clinic – Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can develop after someone experiences or witnesses a traumatic event. Symptoms include:
•
• Persistent negative thoughts or emotions, such as fear, anger, guilt, or shame 
• Difficulty sleeping 
• Feeling detached or numb 
• Being easily startled 
• Self-destructive behaviors, such as drinking too much or driving too fast 
• Trouble concentrating 
• Irritability, angry outbursts, or aggressive behavior 
• Physical reactions, such as sweating, rapid breathing, fast heartbeat, or shaking 

What is it called when someone changes personality because of stressful or traumatic events in their life?
Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a mental health condition where you have two or more separate personalities that control your behavior at different times. When personalities switch, you’ll have gaps in your memory. The identities are usually caused by living through trauma.

I include the above because I know two guys who have those symptoms, who actually changed personalities because they were traumatized by something that happened to them. In both cases it was the death of a son.

One guy, who was a Christian, totally went the opposite direction, mean, aggressive, uncaring, after his 17-year-old son committed suicide. The other guy, who was a “Options, shit, I got options…” type of guy, went totally Christian after his son died as a result of a damaged and mistreated leg injury from a car wreck. I never really understood either of these two dramatic changes… until now.

And I know several others who suffered a bipolar reaction, (Also known as manic depression) triggered by continued stress, such as a guy who had been a driver with EMT for three years (high stress!) and another guy, being divorced by a wife he had built his whole life around. This was back in the early ’80’s, when bipolar wasn’t yet known and diagnosed. At the time the doctors and psychoanalysts called it “chemical depression.” This guy remarried, had a beautiful family, built a successful career, yet ended it all later on with suicide.

I have read that there can be genetic influences on one’s body and mind’s response to trauma, but not necessarily. These friends of mine were innocent victims of stress and trauma. They couldn’t see what was coming, they had no idea how their bodies and minds would respond to life’s wicked turns, that there was any potential in their DNA for a life-changing response to hardship, to trauma. They sought out help, and medications. In neither case did the psychiatric help or medication solve their problem, but simply delayed it or softened the symptoms.

Is there a solution out there? Probably not for most traumatic circumstances, because they usually happen so quickly, and are devastating. In the case of continued stress however, some of my friends tell me to “just breathe. It’ll get better.” A few of them say, “Try meditating.” I’ve done all that.

This year my B and I have been under a lot of stress. We deal with it well, all in all, but after a long year it’s beginning to take its toll on me. The breathing, the meditating… it works momentarily, but it doesn’t totally do the job. This stress has begun piling up, almost to the point of overload. Deepak Chopra says, “Take 3 breaths, then smile, then observe the world and be aware.” A brilliant man with an enlightened mind. But… somehow his wise words don’t seem to quite fix the typical American anxiety. Not mine, anyway.

What to do? After relaxing our shoulders, maybe getting a massage or a hot bath, reading a good book, inventing a diversion of some sort, many of us go looking for other help, for an extra strength that we think we’re going to need. And many of us look outside ourselves, to god, to the universe, to family and friends for courage, wisdom, comfort. A lot of times that works, and we deal with and overcome our challenges effectively.

Looking inside is a more Eastern train of thought. For many of us Americans it doesn’t seem like it would work, as we think we know our limitations, and that they are already being stretched. Most of us were brought up with some form of Christianity, and thinking god (or Jesus or Mother Mary) will help us, guide us, give us strength. And many times that works for us.

What I think that is, however, is our own minds convincing us that we have outside help, and that with that help, we can handle it, and overcome. And like I said, it often works. You see, the mind is a magical instrument that often drives us within our belief systems. But we can learn to drive the mind, at least to a point. And that ability usually leads to new knowledge, new belief systems, new ways of looking at life and dealing with its hardships.

Enter the realm of Eastern thought, which always sends us inward to seek that extra strength, to find the hard answers.

“Leave your front door and your back door open. Let thoughts come and go. Just don’t serve them tea.” – Shunryu Suzuki

Oh sure. Sounds so simple, so easy… it isn’t. For many of us, indulging our fears is one of our strong points. To let our thoughts “come and go” is a real challenge, as it turns out. If one is able to do that with any degree of ease, one is a very lucky person. But it can be done.

Something that has worked for me in the past is burning sweet grass… honest. I first learned of this while teaching meditation to the women members of the Center For Nursing Leadership. They had a Native American spiritual guide, an older man with a wonderfully cool manner about him. He taught me how to use sweet grass, and gave me several braided stalks, which I still have and might use again, if life pushes me out to the edge. Here is the simple explanation of sweet grass for you –

“Burning sweetgrass is a cleansing ritual, or ‘smudging’, that is sacred to many Indigenous North American cultures. The practice is meant to release negativity and invite positive energy into your life. Sweetgrass is also known as Seneca grass, holy grass, and vanilla grass. It has a sweet, vanilla-like scent that can have a calming effect.” 

For me, a few deep breaths, while reminding myself to stay in the moment, not get outside of it, not stress about what needs to be done next, is okay, but when the big problems roll in, all that inward stuff is still a work in progress. Sometimes it seems to work, other times it seems futile. I know there’s an answer in there somewhere, an answer that’s probably a little different for each of us.

Music might just be the most powerful and effective stress reliever I know. If only as a diversion to a tormented mind, it can certainly work to a degree. It’s a diversion that can become an emotional balm, a new clarity of things, a new hope, kind of like a life raft with a sandwich and a good stereo in it. When deep into it, my life raft is almost always music… for now. And the choice of what we listen to in those times is usually critical, because when we let the music in, it comes in all the way.

Back in ’72, Jackson Browne and Glen Frey wrote a song about a young man, standing on the corner of Winslow, Arizona, eyeing chicks passing by and telling the world something that could make all their lives a little better,  a little easier. They weren’t holding up any sign that told us “The world is coming to an end.” Rather, they painted, with music, a thought that we all could use, this simple reminder.

“Take it easy
Take it easy
Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don’t even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
And take it easy”

See? It’s working already!

Steve Hulse