Boy, am I good and sick and tired of all these messages I’m getting lately, from different sources, all having to do with “Be Here Now” and “don’t live in the past.” That one especially grinds my gears. By god I will live in the goddamn past if I want to. And I DO want to! So there…
Letting go of the bad past, maybe. Otherwise, pure bullshit.
I know what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to get us to slow down, smell the flowers, stop always moving and thinking ahead about the next thing we need to get done. They want us to breathe, and just be. They tell us life will pass us by too quickly if we don’t slow down.
I know their messages are not for me. I have slowed down, goddamnit! Life, time and old age have slowed me the hell down to a whoa. Every day I sit here and breathe and just “be.” And not always of my own choosing. I get at least some of my present slowness genetically. My mom used to say that Dad had three speeds – slow, stop and reverse.
In my daily “being” I have discovered the vast playground of my memory, which is providing me with entertainment and subjects to write about. It’s at least as fun as reading a really good book. I share some of the lighter, funnier memories with B. We usually get a good kick out of them. So when they tell us to stop living in the past, I now have a few choice words for them.
And while I’m at it, let me assure you that I do not use AI in this blog, for any reason except an occasional picture for effect. It’s almost frighteningly easy to develop a picture of a scene from AI that needs visual explaining if there is no picture available for that purpose. But that’s it… no writing assistance of any kind, unless I preface it for informational purposes.
And how can you take my word for this? Easy, my recreational use of bad language should suffice. I could say that it’s my only real reason for using bad language, but it isn’t. Occasional swearing suits me, even feels good sometimes, and it’s an accurate translator of the Montana part of my mind that needs venting from time to time.
Ol’ Baldy, at the foot of Ol’ Baldy
Uh oh. At least that’s what I thought, that my bad language would be a distinguishing factor in real writing, until it occurred that I best check chatGPT to make sure it would refuse to use swear words and slang. So I asked it – “Please write for me a grumpy paragraph on why life is difficult with swear words like goddamn, shit, hell, asshole, etc.”
And it replied – “Life is a goddamn uphill battle, and no matter what you do, there’s always some shitstorm waiting around the corner. You bust your ass trying to get ahead, but hell if the universe doesn’t throw a wrench in your plans just for the fun of it. Bills pile up, assholes cut you off in traffic, and even the simple joy of a hot cup of coffee gets ruined when you spill it all over your damn shirt. It’s like life is one never-ending test of patience, and frankly, I’m fucking tired of it.”
Yikes! That was scary good! The only thing I would have said differently is that one sentence. I would have said “but damned if the universe doesn’t throw a wrench in your plans just for the hell of it.” Two different words, the slightly more human use of hell and damn.
And so comes to an end my ill-conceived and futile attempt to rationalize my bad language with a veil of originality. Shit.
Is this trying to become a vent?
No, but as long as we’re here, let’s ask AI how it would translate this particular blog post. Let’s ask it to write a paragraph about my disgust with being told to stop living in the past. Here we go…
“write me a paragraph on the reason I am upset by continually being told not to live in the past.”
“It’s upsetting to be told not to live in the past because it can feel dismissive of your experiences and emotions. The past shapes who you are, and revisiting it—whether for reflection, closure, or understanding—is a natural part of growth. When someone tells you to “move on” or “let it go,” it can invalidate the importance of what you went through or imply that your feelings aren’t worth acknowledging. Sometimes, the past holds unresolved pain or cherished memories, and being told to leave it behind can feel like being asked to forget a part of yourself. It’s not about living in the past but learning from it, and those moments deserve the time and space they need to be understood and respected.”
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Yes, understood, respected and processed for possible future use. That’s it!
Oh my god. Damn that chatGPT! It actually ended up saying some of the stuff I wanted to say. Ah well, I’ll say it anyway. As far as my personal life with past, present and future, nearly my entire life is now behind me, the future being one day at a time, which it has always been, anyway. But to simply let my past go? Hell no! It’s just as chatGPT said, letting it all go is a little like dissing your life’s experiences and learning.
As far as the “Be here now,” I see that as really living in the present to the fullest, and to do that I think we need the past as an excellent reference and experiential guide to help us, at this very moment, (the present) to put deeper meaning to, and a more positive (and even wiser) direction to whatever we’re thinking about for the future.
Yeah, that. And damn you again, chatGPT! You’ve not only explained in beautiful and sensitive detail about why letting go of the past chafes me so, but did so in one paragraph, and in such a human, conversational way that if one didn’t know or at least be familiar with my writing style, one might have read your version and simply think I had certainly done my research on the matter… and that even my writing had improved!
Arrgh. I can’t stand it. But there they are, my need and appreciation for the past, and for my past, along with an explanation and example of why I don’t and won’t use AI for my blog posts. And it pains me to admit it, but the damn thing writes much better, clearer and deeper than I do!
Here are the lyrics to a fine old tune, written in 1915. Its name? You guessed it… Memories.
Egbert Van Alstyne / Gus Kahn)
Round me at twilight come stealing
Shadows of days that are gone
Dreams of the old days revealing
Mem’ries of love’s golden dawn
Memories, memories
Dreams of love so true
O’er the sea of memory
I’m drifting back to you
Childhood days, wild wood days
Among the birds and bees
You left me alone, but still you’re my own
In my beautiful memories
Sunlight may teach me forgetting
Noonlight brings thoughts that are new
Twilight brings sighs and regretting
Moonlight means sweet dreams of you
Memories, memories
Dreams of love so true
O’er the sea of memory
I’m drifting back to you
Childhood days, wild wood days
Among the birds and bees
You left me alone, but still you’re my own
In my beautiful memories
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Now as far as “letting go” goes, I don’t want to let go, and you can’t make me! Well, that’s not quite true. I do let go of a few of the bad memories… the kind when I was thoughtless, maybe stupid, or hurtful. Nothing criminal, mind you. Oh, I stole a keg of beer from my parents’ bar once. But hurtful or feeling plagued by guilt? Hell no! Stupid, sure. But we had one hell of a kegger up in Alder Gulch that night!
Anyway, for me these days are easy to “live in the present.” Our days here on the island are mostly easy-going, quiet and peaceful, with a luxurious amount of time to reflect, write, enjoy great meals and take occasional cruises around this truly lovely place. We can’t drive any place here without seeing great and striking bodies of water, for we’re right in the middle of North Puget Sound.
Of course I picked the best picture of our North Sound… we’re proud of the beauty of this place!
B and I both have a very rich past. We love “being here now” and we have future plans for projects and travel, when health and responsibilities allow. So much for the past, present and future. I’m not letting any of it “go.” Good god, what’s wrong with some of these people? Maybe they should try to simply “be,” and while they’re at it, leave me the hell alone with my gd memories!
And before I sign off, let me leave you with this… did I say I’ll never use AI to help me write these posts? Maybe I’ll change my mind about that… especially if it will keep you guessing. Just don’t accuse me of using it on the off chance I say something that sounds, well, intelligent.
Steve Hulse
